Warning - Give Me Space

  I was exercising financial prudence by using our left over Christmas wrapping paper.  You know those “it has just enough to wrap one more gift” rolls.  All was going well, having completed using 3 past Christmas supplies, until I got to the last gift.  It was a big box for my husband.  There was no way around it; I needed fresh non-opened decorative paper.  Would it have to wait until the next day (given it was 1am in the morning by this time), to make a store run?  (Are any stores open 24 hours again; those were the days!)...  But no!  I found it in the back of the closet- a never before opened blue wrapping paper with snowflakes on it.  Score!

 

The pattern was so lovely! I did, for a second, wonder why we never used it, but shrugged and figured we didn’t see it in the back.  As the clear cover came off, the sparkles should have been my red flag warning.  It took half of the roll to cover the heavy box.  I carried the gift and placed it under the tree.  My hands started to shine.  What is this?  Only it was too late.  Game over.  Human 0  Wrapping Paper 5...4...3...2...1.... the glitter bomb had exploded all over the bed spread, all over my clothes, on the floor, down the hall, under the tree, in my hair.  

 

This old, never used before paper had left a destruction of gleaming specks, because the glue holding the glitter had dried and - this is no ordinary glitter... no, in order to make those beautiful snowflakes.... incredibly fine specimens were used.  I swear they have the natural tendencies of bunnies and multiplied!

 

I shook my hair out and told my son, “No, I don’t have dandruff or lice.  This is worse, it shimmers!”  There was no stopping the madness.  It was everywhere.  I used a hand vacuum (don’t recommend, it just throws the tiny specks back into the air), packing tape, lint rollers and I’m still finding more.  There’s a load of wash going and I’m terrified it will infiltrate the washing machine and subsequent loads of laundry!  I took three showers and used new bath sponges each time and all three came back twinkling.  Is it possible to clog a drain with glitter?!

 

Remember the character on Charlie Brown - the kid with the dust cloud, Pig-Pen?  Yeah, that’s me, but with glitter.  My husbands words, “Glitter makes you look like you work at a stripper’s club.”  Don’t give me a hug any time soon, because it will infest you.  You’ve been warned.

 

Some of it got into my nose, I sneezed five times and saw glitter on the air!  I’m grateful I don’t have to do a colonoscopy test, because I’m pretty sure I ingested glitter.  How would I explain those test results?

 

I’m seriously considering writing to our congressman, explaining the situation and offering a recommendation of shipping glitter to our enemies... they’ll be so busy trying to get rid of the pesky stuff that we might have peace on earth.

 

In the meantime, I’ve given up the fight.  If you see it in my hair, on my skin and clothes.. just tell me I glow.  I’m festive, radiant and iridescent!  Please be kind and wonderfully creative with my new Christmas look (and might last into the New Year, not by my wish).

 

Warning to my husband and son - do not try to take a peak at your gifts.  I’ll know if you did and I won’t need the elves to tell me!  And honey, I love you, but when you go to open that gift.. I’m walking outside.  I strongly recommend the HazMat suit that you use for your chemical work, along with a side of packing tape and lint catchers.  Good luck!

 

Oh and if there are any grinches out there.... If you grinch out on me, I might just wrap you up in the rest of the roll!  Why yes, it’s back in the closet.  I don’t know what else is in the closet but it can stay in there... for a long, long time.

 

Next year, the savvy financial choice is to budget for normal, plain, non-shiny wrapping paper.

With a Dazzle and Glimmer,

Aleta