In Loving Memories
It’s been a difficult time. Three deaths that affected my dad, my husband and a close family friend. I was a spinning top, turning and twisting to offer support, love and hugs wherever needed. So many emotions and comfort to offer, pulling in different directions all at the same time..
My Dad’s Aunt, my great aunt, Gregory’s great, great aunt Lillian passed away at the age of 93, right before her September birthday. She was the last remaining of my grandmother’s siblings (8 siblings). My dad hurt to see her the week before she passed away. Dad said, “Aunt Lillian was my favorite aunt on my mom’s side. My mom was serious in nature, but Aunt Lillian, you never knew what she would get into!” Dad and Aunt Lillian’s son smiled as they brought up happy memories, especially how she loved to do the jitterbug. Dad wrote a beautiful letter to go with the flower arrangements at her funeral. When at the funeral visitation, I couldn’t help but notice that Aunt Lillian had a sweet smile on her face. That was so appropriate, given every picture she was in, she smiled.
Her daughter-in-law, Betty, said, “Even when she was in pain, if someone came over, she wanted to make other people laugh.” My Aunt Vera wrote the following about the three sisters: “She (Aunt Lillian) was a sweet soul. I called them the Golden Girls. Mom was Dorothy, Aunt Gladys was Rose and Aunt Lillian was Blanche! They were a hoot! Mom/Dorothy was a negative Nancy. Aunt Gladys was a sweetheart, couldn’t hear worth a hoot and just smiled or giggled at the other two and Aunt Lillian was silly and a little prissy, especially when she could do it behind mom’s back!”
Aunt Lillian wasn’t just an aunt, she was a mom to her brother. She took Ernest in and raised him... my dad’s Uncle Ernest was close to my dad’s age. They were as close as brothers could be. Uncle Ernest’s children thought of Aunt Lillian as their grandmother. That says a lot for the size of her heart. I wonder if Aunt Lillian is getting into mischief in Heaven.
Rene’s sister, Wanda, was in her 60’s when she passed away suddenly. “The Grimball’s” have been close friends with Rene since my brother was a senior in high school. I remember Rene coming with us on family vacations, including our first hot air balloon ride. We knew Wanda through Rene’s shared moments. He spoke of how Wanda took on the role of mom when their mom passed away and how Wanda was very active in her church community. He helped his sister when she needed guidance and support. To see Rene’s tears when he gave the eulogy for his sister was heartbreaking. Rene said he had a dream about Bible scriptures and his sister the night before he was to meet with the priest for the funeral arrangements. Rene shared the dream with the priest and the priest focused the arrangements around this. I believe loved ones who passed away visit us in dreams.
On Monday after Wanda’s funeral, my parents hosted lunch for Rene and his brothers and Greg cooked steaks for everyone. It was then that Greg brought up his oopsy during the service. Rene and his brother sat on the right side of the church in the front. We sat towards the back of the church on the left side. The church had two large screens that showed the scriptures and songs for the service and when there weren’t words, you could see the priest on the screens. At one point I heard Gregory muffle some words, I looked over and asked what was wrong, but he didn’t respond. I looked up and saw a message flash on the left screen... thankfully it was only on the left side... it stated that Gregory O’Brien was trying to access the church’s WiFi. I told Rene, “If it makes you feel any better, Gregory really fussed at Greg for that!” Greg said the look that Gregory gave him was priceless.
We had our own oopsy right before the lunch. Greg put the buttered bread in the lower oven, set on broil, and asked me to watch it, because he was cooking the steaks outside. I went into the kitchen and when I opened the oven door, the bread was on fire and not a small flame either! I turned off the oven and yelled out to Greg. He was able to blow out the flame, but by then the house alarm/smoke detector went off. Well, at least we know it works, but the bread wasn’t going with us to my parents’ house. Like we needed more things to happen, right? At least it was a table conversation.
Right now, Greg is between trying to offer suggestions to Rene with how to handle things with Rene’s sister’s house and his own father's funeral.
Greg’s dad, my father-in-law, Gregory’s Grandfather passed away the night before we attended Aunt Lillian’s funeral. Jerry’s service is Tuesday at the Garden of Memories. His ashes will rest in the columbarium niche, next to his wife of over 60 years. I recently read that columbarium comes from a Latin word meaning “dove.” Jerry was 89 and so incredibly weak when we visited with him last. He couldn’t communicate well, but he held our hands and he blew me a kiss. It was difficult for Gregory to see his grandfather like that, but I’m glad he went and gave him a hug and kiss.
We talked about being grateful to have had the many family game nights with Grandfather, the walks in the park, the times he stayed over night, his eager smiles, his love of hamburgers, enjoyment of baseball and the game of checkers. Often times, he would ask for his wife, the love of his life, not remembering she had passed away. Dementia is so cruel. He told me one day that he was afraid to ask about his relatives, because he didn’t know if they were alive or not. When told a relative passed, he didn’t know if he attended the funeral and it worried him. He was a thoughtful, kind gentlemen, always eager to offer assistance to someone in need. Jerry’s sense of humor lives on through Greg and Gregory. He was quick to laugh and loved a good joke, even the silly ones.
I’m so glad Jerry was able to go the O’Brien family reunion not long ago. Some days were bad days, when dealing with dementia, but on the night of the family gathering, my father-in-law was in his glory. Being surrounded by so many loved ones was his happy place. And now.. In heaven, he will dance in the arms of his loving wife, hug his oldest son and be welcomed into the arms of those relatives he often asked about.
Time goes too quickly...
When talking with a kind friend about all that has happened, she said, “Funerals are for the living. We need the community for our grief, to feel the loss and feel the memories, together.” She’s right. Community, family and friends... it’s important for healing, accepting, the giving and sharing of strength and support needed during such times.
Family and friends, I love you. Thank you for your kinds thoughts and prayers. Holding the treasured memories close...
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